Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
