i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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