He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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