I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
