i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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