i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
