I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
