you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
