I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
