i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
