Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
