How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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