Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
