I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
