nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
