I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
