oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
