Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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