I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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