Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
