do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just threw up on my dentist
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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