First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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