if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize