Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
