I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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