I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
