Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
