Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
