There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
