Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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