I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
