Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Can Purell be used as lube?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
