It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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