Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
