Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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