i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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