so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
