I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
