glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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