Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
