Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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