I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
