I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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