I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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