That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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