It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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