So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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