so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
