I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize