____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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