We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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