Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
COCAINE IS GR8
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
