Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
