wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
