i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
