mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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