I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize