M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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