You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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