dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
