i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
