sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize