Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
