I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
