youre lurking in front of me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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