i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
