I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
